In 2009, Kyle Adams heard a daunting request from his mother. He was in the hospital battling spinal meningitis, his second major illness in just a few months, and she couldn’t commit to caring for him if he got sick again. From the side of the 32-year-old’s hospital bed, she told him firmly, “You need to find a wife.”
It was a tall order and much more complicated than his mother could’ve known. Kyle had struggled with his sexual identity since he was very young and imagined he’d be alone for the rest of his life as a result. That day in the hospital, he prayed and told God, “Somebody’s going to have to drop out of the sky.”
Kyle grew up in Grand Prairie, Texas, in a conservative, devoted Christian home. He describes his parents as “prayer warriors” who always encouraged him to do great things. His grandparents were considered pillars of the Baptist church they all attended together, and his family was well known and highly respected there. Kyle loved his church and his upbringing, which gave him and his brother a strong spiritual foundation. Although he had a good relationship with his family, he thought it best to keep his struggle a secret.
When Kyle thinks back to when it began, one moment stands out to him. He was at his babysitter’s house one evening while his parents attended a Christmas party for his father’s company. A group of his babysitter’s teenage friends were over and decided to watch an R-rated movie. Kyle, who was only 7 years old at the time, sat through the whole movie with them. “It was all sex,” he says. “We watched it in its entirety and that was my first exposure to anything sexual.”
Kyle believes something was awakened in him that night, but at such a young age, he wasn’t sure what it was. He knew he’d started liking girls a lot more, but he was surprised when he started feeling the same attraction to boys. Confused and too scared to tell anyone in his family, he kept it secret and strived to get through each day without being found out. When he entered junior high, he worked even harder to mask his struggle by making changes to his everyday behavior. “I had feminine mannerisms, so when I got into junior high, I was focused on ‘butching’ up my walk, the way I held things, and the way I talked,” he says. “As I got into my preteen years, I wasn’t into sports. So it was, ‘Oh, you’ve got feminine mannerisms and you don’t play sports, so you must be gay.’ The rumors started early on.”
When Kyle was a senior in high school, he had an intimate encounter with a male student, and he agonized at the notion of anyone finding out. A pornography addiction also had crept into his life. During that same period, Kyle had a big crush on a girl who reciprocated his feelings, and he hoped to start a serious relationship with her. The anticipation of a future with her sustained and steadied Kyle in the midst of his ongoing struggle. But the budding romance eventually fizzled out, causing him more grief.
After Kyle graduated high school, he enrolled in his church’s seminary where he got involved in music ministry. For four years he traveled across the country with an ensemble singing and sharing the gospel. He continued to hide his struggle and kept himself busy with his studies and his music. After Kyle completed seminary, he became a software engineer by day and filled his nights with auditions, rehearsals, and performances at the local theater. “I got into theater because it got me around people and kept me busy,” he says. “Being in front of people made me feel validated. I was in the spotlight and being praised, and I wanted more of that. I was in theater for five years straight.”
Keeping a busy schedule allowed Kyle to avoid the battle going on inside him. Eventually he discovered websites and online chat rooms that gave him easy access to a world he was trying to escape. He found himself in an exhausting cycle of surrendering to his desires, feeling overwhelming guilt, then working as hard as he could to reclaim his sexual purity. After a short period of success, the cycle would repeat itself, creating more bondage and self-hate. Things ultimately got so bad that he took a risk and reached out for help. “The first person I shared it with was a close family friend,” Kyle says. “He was really graceful with me, but it was just ‘Do these things, and you’ll be fine’—he counseled me the best way he knew how. All the while it was getting worse, and I was trying harder [to stop] because that was the advice I was getting.”
Just hours away in East Texas, Megan Davis was beginning her own fight. She grew up in a Christian family and loved her childhood so much that she describes it as “magical.” But her family moved around a lot—her father was a high school football coach—and that made it difficult for Megan to develop and maintain friendships. Saying goodbye to her friends every two to three years caused her a lot of pain and anxiety.
Megan’s anxiety and need to perform followed her to and throughout college. Her dream was to become an actor, so she worked hard to be one of the best on campus. She was also anxious about who she would marry and she didn’t want to be alone. The thought of ever losing her college boyfriend terrified her, so she refused to give him up, even after God made it clear he wasn’t the one.
“I heard the Lord say, ‘That’s not your husband,’ but I was like, ‘I have to have someone, and he’s the man I’ll marry,’” Megan says. “The ending of that [relationship] tore me up. It was right before my senior year.”
After college, Megan found herself back at home with her parents with no job prospects, still grieving the breakup with her boyfriend. She worried so much about her future that she developed chronic stomach issues and lost a lot of weight. She kept asking God what she should do, and during a family vacation she received a clear answer.
“I was by myself and this girl came up to me and said, ‘I have a word for you, and the word from the Lord is ‘Wait,’” Megan says. “For years after that I would pray and hear ‘Wait.’”
______
Kyle’s hospital stay for spinal meningitis was ending when he received a surprising text message. One of his theater friends wanted him to do an upcoming show and meet an actress they thought he’d be a good match for. Kyle was adamant he didn’t want to be set up with anyone and declined. But he got curious and decided to search for the woman, Megan Davis, on Facebook. When Kyle saw her picture, he was instantly attracted to her and noticed other photos of her teaching children in Africa. So he prayed about meeting her and told his friend he’d come to the rehearsal.
By this time Megan was in a much better place in her life. She’d found peace and was spending some time doing ministry work in Kenya, but her path was still uncertain. Still pursuing her acting dream, Megan’s first stop after returning to the United States would be a show rehearsal where her friend was planning to introduce her to Kyle. As soon as her plane touched down, Megan went to the theater.
“So, I dropped out of the sky like he prayed,” she says.
Within a few months Kyle and Megan had fallen in love and gotten engaged, but Kyle was showing Megan very little affection. Although they’d discussed maintaining boundaries in their relationship, she felt his behavior was a bit extreme. The truth was Kyle was still struggling with his identity and even after he proposed, the fairytale for him was over.
“I bought the ring Christmas Eve 2009, but during the latter part of 2009, I cheated on her,” he says. Kyle was afraid to tell Megan he’d betrayed her and even more afraid to tell her it was a same-sex encounter. But keeping the secret was killing him. “We were two months away from the wedding and I decided to tell her,” he says.
“I exploded,” Megan says. “I had discerned some things but also felt like he was meant to be my husband. I wanted to be married, but when he confessed, I was so mad at God, and I was petrified.”
Megan didn’t know Kyle’s confession was about a recent event—after her reaction, he lied and insinuated it happened before he met her. When they met with their premarital pastor, Kyle was adamant he was done living a double life. Their pastor cautioned them that Kyle’s struggle might not be over or ever go away, but with Megan in his life, he’d have someone to be accountable to. Kyle and Megan took some time to pray and think things through before deciding to move forward in hopes of a fresh start together.
In the weeks leading up to their wedding, they experienced a series of bizarre mishaps that caused them to question their decision. Megan’s wedding ring along with their plane tickets for their honeymoon were stolen while Kyle was having his home renovated. The night before their wedding, lighting struck one of the buildings at the church where they were to be married. Everything was going wrong, but they felt prompted by the Lord to continue with their plans and trust Him. The wedding ended up exceeding their expectations and went off without a hitch. Even so, their special day wasn’t enough to end Kyle’s struggle.
“I went into the marriage thinking she was my savior and because she was here, she was the basis of my freedom,” he says. “I started another cycle that would worsen over the next five years.” During this time Megan was unaware that Kyle was still struggling. She was in another space—she switched teaching jobs and was focused on deepening her relationship with the Lord. One day the Holy Spirit spoke to her about Kyle.
“I heard the Holy Spirit say, ‘Your hands are going to heal your husband,’” she says. She didn’t know what to attribute that to, but it was flu season, so she thought maybe her prayers would keep Kyle from getting sick.
In 2012, Megan gave birth to their daughter, and in early 2015 she was pregnant with their son. Kyle felt he should come clean about his betrayals. One day, as he was still pondering a confession, he rode by a sign that read “Faith makes everything possible, not easy.” He believed it was God’s way of encouraging him to take a step toward true freedom by first being completely honest no matter the cost. So he resolved to tell Megan everything even if it meant losing her for good. Ten days before their son was born, Megan received the bombshell news.
“I couldn’t cry—it was too much information and I just got sick to my stomach,” she says. “Then the Holy Spirit said, ‘Remember when I said your hands will heal your husband?’” Kyle was laying on the floor distraught and crying out to God. He wanted healing, forgiveness, and a chance to make things right. As Megan watched him lying on the floor consumed with grief, she felt compelled to act.
“She started praying for me,” Kyle says. “Her hands were on me, and she was praying. From that day forward I’ve never had any of the struggles or attractions.”
But there was still much work to do. Kyle and Megan found support from a couple who attended Gateway Grand Prairie, and soon Kyle and Megan became members. They started counseling with the campus pastor and agreed to put boundaries in place, including sharing one car, spending their free time together, and switching Kyle to a phone with no internet or texting capability. None of the boundaries could be modified unless Kyle and Megan both agreed it was time. Kyle started attending a Conquer group for men struggling with sexual addiction, which he later led for two years at the Grand Prairie Campus.
Megan decided to step away from teaching for a time and become a stay-at-home mom. Ironically one of the last Bible lessons she taught her students was on adultery and divorce. “I was teaching on biblical grounds for a divorce and the Holy Spirit said to me, ‘I would have blessed you if you had left Kyle but thank you so much for staying with my son. I am going to take care of you,’” she says.
Although Megan began feeling victorious over her fears—she’d been plagued by thoughts of Kyle reviving his secret double life—the road to reconciliation was nowhere near complete. “I showed grace to Kyle, but I can’t say I never erupted in the midst of this,” she says.
Kyle and Megan believe they’ve made good progress over the past four years. They remain vigilant on the road they’re traveling and recognize the victories along the way. Kyle says what’s helped them most is going from “fix me” mode to a commitment to posture themselves before the Lord. “Posture is synonymous with submission, and submission is obedience, and miracles happen when you take steps of obedience,” he says.
Kyle and Megan say God continues to show them He’s turning things around in their lives as they experience encouraging moments. God had spoken to Megan that He would return to them double what had been stolen from them, but they didn’t know what that meant. Three years after Kyle was set free from his identity struggle, the couple received an unexpected financial blessing from another married couple—it was double what Kyle had paid for Megan’s wedding ring that was stolen. In December 2018, Kyle and Megan returned to their theater passion with roles in Gateway’s Christmas musical Chasing Lights. Kyle played Joseph, and Megan played Anna, one of the lead roles. It was an exciting yet humbling experience for them both and has opened up doors for more performing arts opportunities.
Although they’re seeing God work miracles in their marriage, Kyle and Megan don’t believe their story is the blueprint for all families facing similar issues. “Someone else can’t hear our story and say, ‘This is how I can get free,’ or ‘This is how I’m going to do it,’” Megan says. “There is no formula. We got with the Lord and we did what He said. Nothing the Holy Spirit asked us to do was against the Word of God. At the end of our days, we want to say we’ve been obedient.” Kyle, Megan, and their children attend the Grand Prairie Campus.