Breaking Free from Abuse & Finding Real Love
Through all this Job did not sin nor did he blame God. –Job 1:22
When Monique married at eighteen, life seemed happy and fun until the violence started. Monique shared, “I didn't know what to do. I had grown up in a difficult environment, and I didn’t know the difference between love and something toxic.”
She felt beaten down, not just physically but emotionally. Lies were spoke over her—that she would never find anybody else. It was heartbreaking. Monique knew she couldn’t bring children into such a broken marriage. Coming from a hard childhood, she wanted something better and brighter for her children.
When her first marriage ended, she reconnected with a friend from high school. With Casey, relationship felt different. Monique thought to herself, Oh, this is what love is supposed to feel like. He didn’t yell at her. He didn’t hurt her. He cared for her and loved her.
The Heartache of Infertility
When Casey and Monique began dating, Casey’s daughter, Angelina, was eighteen months old, and his son, Bubba, was less than a year old. Sadly, the children’s mother went to jail, so Monique stepped in to parent the little ones. She grew to love the children so much. It wasn’t long before Angelina started calling Monique “Mom.” Monique corrected Angelina because she didn’t want to confuse her, but a close friend spoke up: “Angelina sees you as her caretaker and nurturer.” After that, Monique allowed Angelina to call her “Mom.”
“I loved every part of raising Casey’s kids," Monique said. "I got to stay home with them. I went on field trips. I helped with school projects. I got to walk through all their milestones. I was there for Angelina’s first experiences growing into a young woman. I was there for Bubba’s broken arms and endless adventures. They became my children in every way that mattered, but at the same time, I wanted a baby.”
Casey and Monique never did anything to prevent pregnancy. They had the mindset that if it happened, it happened. But it never did. It was a battle. Casey already had two children, so he didn’t always understand what Moniqe was feeling. Monique shared, “It felt like I had been told ‘no’ by life’s circumstances. It felt like everyone else got to have what I wanted most. I remember sitting in a waiting room full of pregnant women and wondering, Why not me?”
One doctor visit was especially painful for Monique. She was excited because she thought someone was finally going to help her figure out why she wasn’t getting pregnant. Instead, the doctor insensitively said, “Your husband already has two kids. Obviously, he’s not the problem. You are.” Monique never went back to the doctor. She was heartbroken.
Perspective Change
At this low point in their lives, Monique and Casey didn’t have a relationship with Jesus, but the Father was still pursuing them. They were trying to figure out life. She would hear people talk about how wonderful God was, but Monique became angry. All she could think was Why can’t I have a baby? This created tension in Casey and Monique’s marriage. They had gone to church for a while but stopped. They were partying again and living in the world. Then a man named Mark invited them to Gateway’s Marriage Conference. When Casey thought they should attend, Monique argued with Casey but said, “Fine, I’ll go so we can figure out what you’re doing wrong.” God had other plans. That weekend changed everything.
At the conference, Monique heard incredible speakers and left understanding herself better. She, Casey, and the kids started attending Gateway, but Monique said, “I fought it the whole way. I had grown up with a lot of church legalism, and I thought God was constantly disappointed in me. I thought Christianity was all about performance. But God began teaching me about a relationship with Him. Casey and I became Christians and got baptized!”
The years that followed were a freedom journey for both of them. Monique shared, “Healing is like peeling back the layers of an onion. Every time I dealt with one area of healing, something else surfaced. I walked through healing from sexual abuse, rejection, legalism, anger, trauma, and years of pain. And at the same time, I was wrestling with infertility.” Monique wanted answers. She wanted God to explain Himself. Instead, He began changing her perspective.
From Infertility to Ministry
Taking a step of faith, Casey and Monique thought it would be great for Monique to attend The King’s University. In one of her classes, they did an exercise about what God entrusts us with, and so Monique asked the Lord, “What do you trust me with?” During prayer, the Lord spoke to her heart: “I trust you with the hearts of My children," so Monique drew a picture in her journal of a robed figure with hands stretched out and hearts pouring from His hands. Around the same time, a friend gave Monique a word of encouragement: “You’re going to be a mother for many, Monique.”
At first, she didn’t know what the picture and the word of encouragement meant, but then she started seeing it. Monique said, “My classmates at The King’s would ask me for mom hugs. Young people would come talk to me. People would share their hearts with me. They would seek encouragement, wisdom, and prayer. Suddenly I understood. God wasn’t withholding motherhood from me. He was expanding it!”
She reached the place where she could say, “Okay, God, I get it. I’m not going to have a baby through my womb, but You’re going to give me many to love.” That realization changed her life and her ministry. “For years, I believed something was wrong with me because I couldn’t have children. I felt defective. I felt less than. But eventually I learned that nothing is wrong with me. God doesn’t make mistakes,” shared Monique.
A Mother’s Heart: Discovering God’s Bigger Plan
She learned to trust Him—that His plans for her are good plans. Monique learned that motherhood is much bigger than biology. Today, she serves in outreach ministry, and she absolutely loves it! She said, “I love meeting families. I love hearing people’s stories. I love being with people in their broken places and reminding them that they matter. I know what it feels like to carry trauma, shame, anger, and loneliness. My trauma may be different from someone else’s trauma, but I can relate to their pain. I can understand the feelings people carry because I’ve carried them too. That’s why I love outreach.”
Monique wants people to know they are loved—for them to experience the love of Jesus with no agenda attached. She said, “I tell people all the time that I have a selfish reason for loving outreach so much. I want to be part of loving someone well enough that they go and love someone else, and then that person loves someone else, and eventually that ripple effect reaches my friends and family who don’t know Jesus yet.”
Casey and Monique have been together for almost twenty-one years, and she can see God’s hand in every chapter of their story. “I have a mother’s heart," she shared. "I always will. I understand that God trusted me with the hearts of His children. He gave me Angelina and Bubba. He gave me classmates. He gave me people to love, encourage, and walk alongside. I have peace knowing that His plan was always bigger than the one I imagined for myself, and I’m grateful.”
–Monique, part of the Gateway family
Additional Resources
Learn More About Baptism at Gateway.
Learn More About Marriage Ministries at Gateway.
Learn More About What We Believe at Gateway.
Learn More About Foster Care and Adoption at Gateway.